i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
