i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
40s are totally the cure
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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