Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
