Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
