that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
