We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
