it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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