I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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