the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
