i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
