well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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