The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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