I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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