Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
