remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
