I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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