I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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