My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i drank out of a bidet.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
