I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
that is very illegal...i love you.
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