Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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