Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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