We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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