My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
