All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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