Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
