There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When did angry sex become our thing?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
