R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
