some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
