she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
