Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
