My balls are so social today.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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