WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize