I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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