oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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