He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Mom said you looked used
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
