If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
