Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
