I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
