first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
