Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize