Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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