I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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