Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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