dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
