Screwed.edu
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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