I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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