Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
