I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
