i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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