hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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