alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
