So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
