Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
