Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
