ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
