I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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