If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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