At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
