I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
