im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
