Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
