You really coming over, don't trick.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
