i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I love you.
Bad choice
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
