Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
