shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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