This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize