Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
