Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
