He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
