At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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