Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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