You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
