I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
