all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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