Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
