Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
