She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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