i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
